129 racisms against the Deaf, the Air Force, Sonic the Hedgehog, and Physics: your path to voice actor glory: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Steven asks
I’m a voice actor and have been sick for 4 weeks and lost my voice. I have a contract due tomorrow with 129 voice prompts. What do? Honestly it’s stressing me out, please no OOC
My answer
Why not perform all your lines in sign language, but perform it so vigorously and so speedily that your forearms break the sound barrier and create deafening sonic booms? Sound aplenty. If sonic booms are good enough for the Air Force, they're good enough for your ungrateful friggin' clients. If your clients object to you annihilating their delicate sensitive studio microphones, accuse them of being racist against the deaf, against the Air Force, against Sonic the Hedgehog, and against the laws of physics. Throw enough racist shit against the wall and surely some will eventually stick.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2026/2/129-racisms-against-the-deaf-the-air-force-sonic-the-hedgehog-and-physics-your-path-to-voice-actor-glory-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
On Dark Triad gigantic assholes, Habsburg jaws, sweet sweet world domination, and devouring clients' noxious juices: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Came for life coaching advice, somehow ended up with European royal genetics and the downfall of an empire 😂 10/10 journey.”
On combining embryonic womb-ly Powers like a horrible maternal Captain Planet: Today's TERRIBLE advice
“Thanks for sharing! Your response surely weaponizes the "escalation of the absurd" trope to solve a mundane social dilemma. If anyone has the courage to use Mr. Escobar's line to their family, they probably will never be invited to a family gathering again...”
On rejuvenating shite grub into exquisite ambrosia by guzzling pints of 800C+ molten salt: today's TERRIBLE advice
“I have absolutely no idea where your brain comes up with this stuff, but it gave me a laugh. Lol!”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?