A human hand pillow for a Delightful Spider: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Rowan asks
Found this under my pillow, what do I do?
My answer
I had no idea spiders like you even needed pillows. But geez, if human hands that colossal are able to sneak their way under your pillow without you even noticing, it sounds like crap sleep is the least of your worries. Are you unearthing exclusively hands, or discovering other body parts too? Or have you been stockpiling humanoid extremities yourself and sleeping on them like a gigantic meaty stockpile, as if you're a spidery Smaug?
Hats off to you, then, honestly. Looks like you're living your best life. As long as you're dismembering giants with their happy consent, who am I to wag my finger at you? I suspect if I did, you'd cut that off too.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/11/a-human-hand-pillow-for-a-delightful-spider-todays-terrible-advice
Hungry for more?
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
On conscripting lesbian bitches and gay male dogs through Pray-The-Gay-Away camps for rich entitled floozies: today's TERRIBLE advice
“This is hilarious! I used to think all cats were female when I was a little kid and all dogs were male. haha”
Mt. Doom vs Chernobyl, billions of twitchy-schnozzed squirrels, and ceramic/asbestos rigor mortis: today’s TERRIBLE advice
“There is a radical sovereignty in embracing this kind of creative chaos. While the rest of the world is looking for sanitized, "perfect" advice, you are documenting the anatomy of a "fabulous" sort of madness. Using a squirrel in a crosshair as the visual anchor for a post about "Terrible Advice" is a bold move—it’s like a warning and a celebration all at once. It takes a certain level of grit and a total shuttering of the ego to find the "fab" in a ceramic/asbestos rigor mortis situation.”
How to avoid embarrassing your mum by spreading 10^50 gay gents across the universe: today's TERRIBLE advice
“What makes this funny isn't the shock value for me....it's the escalation. 😂💀😂 Every time I thought I'd found the logical endpoint, the piece somehow introduced cosmology, time travel, or particle physics and made the situation even more absurd. A masterclass in taking a joke far beyond where it should reasonably go. You always have me giggling Mikey! This was great!”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?