The wisdom of commissioning magnificent golden chariots pulled by 100M 'roided mice: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
India asks
How do I stop mice from stealing my meds? I've tried keeping it in a mouse proof container but then I just lose the container. Also taking advice for finding the mouse proof container full of my meds.
My answer
Instead of a mouse-proof container, use a dumpster. Brim it with vast mountains of your meds. Not only is a dumpster quite difficult to lose (trust me, I've tried), but even vast numbers of starving mice will find it difficult to consume the entire amount of meds. Refill it daily. Sure, it's a tad pricey, but you'll be doing your bit for Big Pharma and nitro-boosting the capitalist economy. Spend spend spend!
Also your local mice will be the healthiest mice in the goddamn universe. And grateful. You could probably summon them like a horrible living carpet and command them to swarm your enemies like nauseatingly huggable army ants. Or, hell, why not construct a rodent chariot? Just imagine cruising down your local town's main street on a Saturday night, resplendent in a magnificent golden chariot pulled by 100,000,000 steroid-infused field mice hungering to return your generosity in any way you'd like, and they do mean *any* way. Take it from me, mice are nuts like that. Almost frighteningly eager.
But even just the chariot, man! I've found a mouse chariot's 0-60 figures must be experienced to be believed. You'd be the hippest dude and/or dudette in town. Nauseatingly attractive members of the gender(s) of your choice will flock to you. Unless you bump into a Big Pharma shill with an even mightier rodent chariot. Then you'd better watch it.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/11/the-wisdom-of-commissioning-magnificent-golden-chariots-pulled-by-100m-roided-mice-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
On your cherished pet bunnies judging you a stinkin' softcock, and on thwarting their hideous psychological Thunderdomes: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Your commitment to the premise is what sells it. By the time you got to the rabbits studying every personality quirk and cognitive weakness, I was invested. 😂 Keep doing ya thing, you've definitely got your own voice.”
On scheming bitches, Antarctic science side quests, extra-gorgeous ponies, and the Zodiac Killer: today's TERRIBLE advice
“I found this a very humorous piece yet it still had insights to serious modern day topics within the scope of relationships. Beautiful work man!”
On Dark Triad gigantic assholes, Habsburg jaws, sweet sweet world domination, and devouring clients' noxious juices: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Came for life coaching advice, somehow ended up with European royal genetics and the downfall of an empire 😂 10/10 journey.”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?