On buying a payday-loan Ferrari from Sir Scarface: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Andrew asks
My girlfriend told me not to buy her a Christmas gift so as a fun little loophole in her wording I bought a mini claw machine that I’m going to fill with gifts I could have given her, but now instead of me giving them to her she has to win them.
What are ideas of small things I can put in the claw machine?
My answer
I'll do you one better. Take out a Christmas loan in her name. One of those squeamishly high-interest ones. Then buy her a Ferrari. Before she wakes, park it on her doorstep with a huge pink bow tie, usual story, bring her outside with her eyes closed, instruct her to open them, she spies the Ferrari, she squeals in delight, you hand her the keys, her squeal redoubles ... then right at her squeal's climax, tell her:
"It's funded by a payday loan! At least the bloke I got the loan from told me it was a payday loan. His underlings were calling him Sir Scarface as they tortured the mayor. I had to use your manor as collateral. At least I told him it was a manor. The first payment is due in ... er, six minutes. Oh look, here come twenty thousand henchfemales to personally drag your shitty little shack to their boneyard. They'd been expecting a manor, and boy, don't they look pissed! They fume at your Deception. They'll have Unkind Words for its owner! Former owner, more like. Now it belongs to Sir Scarface. Also I can't in good conscience date an adult so financially destitute and/or irresponsible, byeee!"
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/11/on-buying-a-payday-loan-ferrari-from-sir-scarface-todays-terrible-advice
Hungry for more?
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
Debauchery, drugs, jazz, communes, beatniks, lentils, oral sex, midnight frolics, witchcraft, sit-ins, marches, oral sex, foxtrots, covens, sandals, oral sex, and oral sex: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Dude i just read the title and im crying Sexy crying Then came the article and let us not mention what happened there”
The earthy wisdom of elongating your womb into adjacent postcodes: today's TERRIBLE advice
“At some point the advice stops being advice…and just becomes a ride. And honestly, that’s the fun of it. You show up for help....and leave with absolutely none… but somehow still satisfied. Thanks for getting me to giggle! 😂😂😂😂”
You'll have the spangliest vulva in Christendom: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Wow this is different from what I usually read, but this is great!”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?
It’s scary how many seem to take this advice rather literally;)
Every paragraph somehow made the situation worse. Impressive! lol