AT LAST an etiquette guide on pistol duels against paleoconservative Gentleman-penises: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
GrayHeron9112 asks
As a girlie who's never seen a d*ck before but is soon going to, I really need some advice... What am I expected to do with it?
My answer
I'm so glad you've come to me! Your worries are over. There's nothing a truly respectable and prestigious penis respects more greatly than a good old-fashioned battle for social dominance. Fight fire with fleshy fire. Challenge Earl Floppy to your classic old-school duel. Pistols at dawn, baby. A properly conservative schlong will yum that shit up and adore you forever.
If you're wondering how a (human(?)) penis could ever operate a firearm: trust me, you haven't lived until you've witnessed a properly classy gent train both his foreskin's and urethra's prehensility to godlike levels. He can tap-dance over molten lava prick-first, hovering and twanging aloft like some kind of penisey pogo stick. Same with guns. All the old school nobility are crack shots with cocks. Bring along a pair of muzzle-loading duelling pistols and perhaps a pint apiece for some sweet post-duel suds, and your fleshy new chum will never be happier.
The bloke it's attached to might object though. You'd better butter him up. Propose a threesome.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2026/3/at-last-an-etiquette-guide-on-pistol-duels-against-paleoconservative-gentleman-penises-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
On scheming bitches, Antarctic science side quests, extra-gorgeous ponies, and the Zodiac Killer: today's TERRIBLE advice
“this was so clever and hysterical, especially like the South pole as a wedding venue so your marriage literally can't go south. funny shit!!! subscribed!”
On gaggles of hussies, showers of floozies, bullshit pro-breasts praise, and vast adult babies: today's TERRIBLE advice
“As always you have me giggling🤣🤣🤣.....but what stood out to me is how humor can sometimes expose social absurdities more effectively than serious arguments. ”
Ten thousand tremulous thunder-thighs, the ideal relationship fuel: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Vivid, visceral, and just the right amount of chaotic. You always manage to paint these incredibly bold pictures with your words. It’s hard not to feel the 'tremulous' energy you’re describing here.”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?
This was equal parts hilarious and delightful. The imagery here was absolute prime status. Particularly the penis-pogo action 😂 I actually laughed out loud, and I thank you for that 🩵