Augmenting your peepee's illustrious grandeur by marination in ten thousand luscious vicars: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Cameron asks
struggling to get a job. what are some ✨ alternative ✨ ways to make some money
My answer
A few other responders here have suggested blowjobs. I'd like to throw my support behind this. But, like, the other way around. Don't merely suck other folks' cocks. My goodness no. You unambitious friggin' pansy. Charge folks for the PRIVILEGE of sucking YOURS.
How? Easy. There are all kinds of methods for squiffy-ify-ing one's penis up into such deliciousness and exquisite radiance that thirsting fellators and/or fellatrices will queue for miles for a treasured few sublime slurps. Here's a trick I find works wonders: simply get ten thousand priests to bless an arbitrary humongous volume of water. An Olympic swimming pool should do nicely. Attract the ten thousand priests by announcing an aquajogging-themed Vatican III or something (a follow-up to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_Vatican_Council), kidnap the Pope, hurl him in the deep end, broadcast pleading over the facility's speaker system that if all ten thousand whip out their crucifixes and crank out some bless-bless-blessing, the en-holied water might just buoy His Holiness to aquajoggey safety. Once the Olympic pool is suffused with ten thousand pious blessings, concentrate it. Boil it. Either the old-fashioned way, by heating it, or by transporting the entire pool and contents to the top of Mt. Everest, whichever seems less effort or more entertaining. It's like reducing a simmer-sauce, yeah? Who's not done that? Easy. Continue until the ten thousand blessings are concentrated down into a liquid litre. Pure bottled lightning. And remove the priests and Pope before the rendering. Unless any would like to, as they say, take one for the team.
Now marinate your schlong. Who'd ever resist saying no to a gobble on that? I may be straight as the day as long, but even I'd be shouting "make way for Lord Sugar-Throat!" Resist the most blessed dick in Christendom? No way. Maybe that's where https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Creator/BrianBlessed got his name, and what powers his voice. Finally, gatecrash a billionaires' tax haven* or something, and let the moola roll in. Problem solved.
* Oh dear. I first wrote this back in May 2022. Didn't age well!
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/5/augmenting-your-peepees-illustrious-grandeur-by-marination-in-ten-thousand-luscious-vicars-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
Debauchery, drugs, jazz, communes, beatniks, lentils, oral sex, midnight frolics, witchcraft, sit-ins, marches, oral sex, foxtrots, covens, sandals, oral sex, and oral sex: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Dude i just read the title and im crying Sexy crying Then came the article and let us not mention what happened there”
Rolls Royce IUDs, orgy lube droughts, Super-DUPER-Dracula, and nom-nom-ing Las Vegas: today's TERRIBLE advice
“As a perimenopausal woman, I must protest the fact that I laughed so hard at this -- tut-tut like a cranky lesbian great-aunt scorning an orgy’s lube drought -- that I almost peed myself.”
On rejuvenating shite grub into exquisite ambrosia by guzzling pints of 800C+ molten salt: today's TERRIBLE advice
“I have absolutely no idea where your brain comes up with this stuff, but it gave me a laugh. Lol!”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?