Becoming the finest Method Actress in the goddamn galaxy via shrewd orifice liquidation: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Megan asks
I’ve developed feelings for my f buddy/mutual therapist of 3 months and I can tell he’s irritated by how much I talk to him. What do
My answer
Tell him you've been cast as Deadpool in "X-Men Origins: Wolverine 2: This Time He's Even More Original". Tell him the whole reason you'd got the part over Ryan Reynolds is, your fuck-buddy/therapist's oblivious glorious fucky therapy has stimulated and amplified your deepest darkest passions to a thespian volcano of terrifying grandeur. No actress-booster method is too deranged for you, dahlink. You're an Empress of acting passion.
And your passions just won't turn off.
But do you want them to turn off?
Your therapist has burnished you into the finest Method Actress in the galaxy. There's no acting role you can't nail. Every director thirsts for you. Reynolds doesn't have a ghost's chance to reprise his role. But Method Actressing isn't without its price, is it. It is time to fully inhabit the role of X-Men!Origins!Deadpool, in EVERY way.
Command your bloke to sew your mouth shut. No more yakking. Problem solved.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/5/becoming-the-finest-method-actress-in-the-goddamn-galaxy-via-shrewd-orifice-liquidation-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
The trembly tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Had me at "I have no idea how many years of reverse upward sagging it’d take to reverse and cancel-out your X years of standard floorward sagging enjoyed by conventional breasts, but a decent duration, surely? Enough to buy you enough time to invent some kind of zero-gravity device and just let them flop and wobble around freely forever." 🤣🤣🤣 ... wth!”
On rejuvenating shite grub into exquisite ambrosia by guzzling pints of 800C+ molten salt: today's TERRIBLE advice
“I have absolutely no idea where your brain comes up with this stuff, but it gave me a laugh. Lol!”
On scheming bitches, Antarctic science side quests, extra-gorgeous ponies, and the Zodiac Killer: today's TERRIBLE advice
“This was hilarious in the most wonderfully chaotic way. I was laughing the entire time because every paragraph somehow became more absurd than the last, yet it still managed to circle back to the original question. The leap from relationship drama to Antarctic research grants, doomed South Pole weddings, and extra-gorgeous ponies was completely unhinged in the best possible way. Pure creative chaos, and somehow it works perfectly.”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?