On charging oil barons through the nose as a human drill bit: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Samantha asks
What do now?
My answer
That SUV becomes that obliterated after hitting you, and all you receive in return is an ouched leg? That's ... amazing, man. Why not monetise your indestructibility? You could make a fortune hiring yourself out as an abrasive ablative industrial material. Charge oil barons through the nose as a human drill bit. Sixty-nine the Space Shuttle's belly and allow the re-entering craft safe passage through the horrible fires of Earth's atmosphere. Hop into Grond's teeth and smash through the gates of Minas Tirith with your forehead. Or your perineum. Whatever proves more rigorous.
Wait, on reflection, how do we know it's not just a really shitly built SUV? Or even a fake one? Maybe it's one of those fake joke shop SUVs made from discount asbestos we're always finding in our cereal boxes in lieu of an actual proper toy.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/11/on-charging-oil-barons-through-the-nose-as-a-human-drill-bit-todays-terrible-advice
Hungry for more?
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
Debauchery, drugs, jazz, communes, beatniks, lentils, oral sex, midnight frolics, witchcraft, sit-ins, marches, oral sex, foxtrots, covens, sandals, oral sex, and oral sex: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Dude i just read the title and im crying Sexy crying Then came the article and let us not mention what happened there”
On Dark Triad gigantic assholes, Habsburg jaws, sweet sweet world domination, and devouring clients' noxious juices: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Haha cheers Mikey. Really funny, enjoyable read 🤣 at the start I was like wth 😂😂 but nicely tied together. Cheers mate!”
How to avoid embarrassing your mum by spreading 10^50 gay gents across the universe: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Oh my god, this is exactly the kind of chaotic energy which makes me love internet... 😂😂”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?
Hahahaha. Thank for this advice, Mikey. Keep those Terrible Advices coming. Happy writing.
Enjoyed reading this column of yours. 🙂😁