Come on, they're just body parts
Here’s a rare non-TERRIBLE-advice post. Yes I sometimes write them, you friggin’ numpty:
Today I encountered this post: https://www.quora.com/Why-does-Selena-Gomez-go-wit...
For a few minutes I contemplated the difference between men and boys (i.e. both love boobs but only boys cannot detach themselves from the adoration of boobs enough to treat women like people).
Parts of my mind whizzed off in various directions. Yes bras are a bit silly. Yes women have every right to get fed up at being expected to wear them. Yes it's ridiculous that us blokes find visible nipples ogleworthy. Yes we find them hypnotically attractive, and nothing wrong with that one bit, but unfortunately too many males are boys and too few are proper men, to the point where women find that, in practice, no they can't go around with visible nipples because the boys will handle and process their own feelings of attraction poorly. Ugh.
Part of me toyed with releasing yet more Sexyverse merch. Why not a padded bra with fake mobile zigzaggey nipples? Like when you've got your cat or dog on your bed and you slide your feet around under the blankets and your pet goes nuts and attacks them. Do that with nipples. They can jump and jink all over the place under one's bra and look ridiculous, it'd be hilarious. Imagine the Looks you'll get.
For minute after minute I toyed with not only the logistics and mechanics of designing such a thing, but also the difficulties and tribulations of wearing such a thing myself and giving it a test run, before realising, waitasec, men have nipples too, I could totally still test it as a man.
Finally, yes, ugh, I realise the irony in my choice to label this as NSFW. I'm not particularly enthused about that either. Just cold pragmatism I'm afraid. Such is the world we live in. If you-the-reader would like to disagree with me, you are welcome to and I encourage you to.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/12/come-on-theyre-just-body-parts
Hungry for more?
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
How to avoid embarrassing your mum by spreading 10^50 gay gents across the universe: today's TERRIBLE advice
“What makes this funny isn't the shock value for me....it's the escalation. 😂💀😂 Every time I thought I'd found the logical endpoint, the piece somehow introduced cosmology, time travel, or particle physics and made the situation even more absurd. A masterclass in taking a joke far beyond where it should reasonably go. You always have me giggling Mikey! This was great!”
A goddess so magnificent melts before MOI? I'm phenomenal! Plus further ego-stroking manipulative bullshit: today's TERRIBLE advice
“What makes this funny is that beneath all the ridiculousness, there's a grain of truth hiding in there. Not about sleeping with your boyfriend's father, obviously, but about how often people justify behavior by appealing to someone else's ego, blind spots, or assumptions.”
Mt. Doom vs Chernobyl, billions of twitchy-schnozzed squirrels, and ceramic/asbestos rigor mortis: today’s TERRIBLE advice
“There is a radical sovereignty in embracing this kind of creative chaos. While the rest of the world is looking for sanitized, "perfect" advice, you are documenting the anatomy of a "fabulous" sort of madness.”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Lol ogreworthy I love that word. This was good read. Thanks for sharing :)