How to cultivate more responsible and conscientious drug-mule-ing: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Mireille asks
Hi. I am a 42 yo woman. How do you buy condoms? (This is a serious question, but I’m def looking for bad advice 😛)
My answer
You're after condoms? Easy peasy Nihon-squeezy. Locate the grubbiest, most ghetto-esque bit of your city. Walk around until you locate the clump of hoodies who in your professional opinion have the ch0nkiest "drug dealer" vibe.
Now stride back and forth past them. Loudly announce to no-one in particular how much of a pity it is that every single drug mule in the entire city got swallowed by that Kardashian, and the city's drug supply has thus perished, and dear oh dear how will the beloved local druggies ever get their fix now? And wouldn't it be wonderful if an enterprising new entrepreneur just happened to step up to the plate and offer their intestinal services? Hint hint? HINT HINT?
Saunter past your chosen hoodie-clump a few dozen times, screeching ever louder, until they give you a few condoms full of cocaine just to shut you up. Then cackle, untie the condoms, empty their contents over the nearest undercover cop, cackle again, brandish your hard-won latex prizes aloft, and skedaddle.
Edit: just occurred to me that prolonged cocaine usage causes impotence. I have no idea if cocaine can be absorbed through the skin, but insisting your gent wears a condom caked with coke may make his humping even more vigorous and jittery, but soggier. Can't remember the last time I'd tested this, though that may say more about the nature of the drugs available at such events than anything else. But if you're the kind of total renegade with the wacky smarts to obtain condoms in such a manner in the first place, chances you won't have much trouble frothing him up into enough manic ecstasy to compensate.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/12/how-to-cultivate-more-responsible-and-conscientious-drug-mule-ing-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
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Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?