How to make TONIGHT shatter all shagging records, baby: today's TERRIBLE advice
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Amy-Beth asks
Been with my boyfriend for 7 years, on and off. Had big enough breaks for me to have had another boyfriend. That boyfriend was really into seggs. We had seggs A LOT and it was the best I've ever had. My boyfriend is 10 years older than me and at nearly 50 seems to have no seggs drive. Interim bf is single and offering me no strings seggs... what do?!
My answer
Tell each of your boyfriends, separately, that you've started getting into cross-dressing. Get really specific with your male-wear look, but also keep things secluded and discreet, so that neither bloke now realises that the look you claim to adore the most is what the other bloke prefers rocking.
Next, invite both, separately and without the other's knowledge, to a secret evening of intimacy and raunch. Ahead of time, tell Bloke One (your original of seven years) that you're losing patience with his lack of drive and vigour and humptacularity and you'd decided to take matters into your own hands. You've cultivated an insatiable thirst for pegging, which considering his evident addiction to inert starfishing, he should be just peachy with, as all he'll need to do is just lie there. He might need that third drum of Vaseline though. Oh and to make things extra-scorching, let's both use blindfolds. And gags.
I'm sure you can see where this is going. Now tell Bloke Two (your hawt new squeeze) that your secret dark craving for cock knows no bounds. Tonight you shall command him to break all humping records. Yes, same again, blindfolds and gags.
Now invite both in. Each is blindfolded and gagged and unaware of the other's presence. Each will think the other is you. Hook Bloke Two up to Bloke One, whisper pleading in Two's ear to piledrive you as you'd never been piledriven before, then leave them to it. Play your cards right and you might be able to hook up an electric turbine to Two's hips and get him to pay your power bill.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/3/how-to-make-tonight-shatter-all-shagging-records-baby-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
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Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?