“As always Mikey, you come up with some wild ideas, but Hey, it could work?! 🐝” 🔗 — 🌺🐝 Buzzy Johnson
Amy-Beth asks
Been with my boyfriend for 7 years, on and off. Had big enough breaks for me to have had another boyfriend. That boyfriend was really into seggs. We had seggs A LOT and it was the best I've ever had. My boyfriend is 10 years older than me and at nearly 50 seems to have no seggs drive. Interim bf is single and offering me no strings seggs... what do?!
My answer
Tell each of your boyfriends, separately, that you've started getting into cross-dressing. Get really specific with your male-wear look, but also keep things secluded and discreet, so that neither bloke now realises that the look you claim to adore the most is what the other bloke prefers rocking.
Next, invite both, separately and without the other's knowledge, to a secret evening of intimacy and raunch. Ahead of time, tell Bloke One (your original of seven years) that you're losing patience with his lack of drive and vigour and humptacularity and you'd decided to take matters into your own hands. You've cultivated an insatiable thirst for pegging, which considering his evident addiction to inert starfishing, he should be just peachy with, as all he'll need to do is just lie there. He might need that third drum of Vaseline though. Oh and to make things extra-scorching, let's both use blindfolds. And gags.
I'm sure you can see where this is going. Now tell Bloke Two (your hawt new squeeze) that your secret dark craving for cock knows no bounds. Tonight you shall command him to break all humping records. Yes, same again, blindfolds and gags.
Now invite both in. Each is blindfolded and gagged and unaware of the other's presence. Each will think the other is you. Hook Bloke Two up to Bloke One, whisper pleading in Two's ear to piledrive you as you'd never been piledriven before, then leave them to it. Play your cards right and you might be able to hook up an electric turbine to Two's hips and get him to pay your power bill.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/3/how-to-make-tonight-shatter-all-shagging-records-baby-todays-terrible-advice
😘 THANK YOU 😘
For reading my unconscionable Bullshit. I hope you loved reading it as much as I loved writing it. Which is shitloads. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?
Hungry for seconds? Then today’s your lucky day, you magnificent bastard:
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE
Existing Cool Cat subscribers write such lovely reviews! My Reviews Pages rock 166 gems and counting. Check out this snazzy sampling, baby:
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“I love how this takes such an ordinary workplace question and pushes it to its most ridiculous possible conclusion. You definitely have me giggling over here 😂😂😂 The visual of someone wearing everyone's business clothes at once was hysterical lol! It's a fun reminder that creativity often comes from asking, "What's the most impossible answer?" and then following it wherever it leads. Thank you so much for the laughs as always! 😂”
🔗 — Maria Grace
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“I found this a very humorous piece yet it still had insights to serious modern day topics within the scope of relationships. Beautiful work man!”
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Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
If by some squeamish miracle you’ve read this far with your sanity intact, then my longer works may be right up your alley:
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
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Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
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Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
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The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
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Click these and enjoy these and your morbid appetites will be SATISFIED 😘
Bullshit Soirée: YOUR TURN
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