On kowtowing to the PC-gone-mad crowd and wanking off Genghis Khan 100k times: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Leah asks
Asked boyfriend to buy cream of tartar for baking, comes home with tartar sauce for fish, what do
My answer
Tell him this:
"You moron! I didn't mean tartar sauce, I meant cream of Tatars! You know? Mongol horse archers? What the hell did you think I was planning to do with that massive herd of a hundred thousand horses in our back garden? However will I breed and populate my new Khanate now? Go back to the mall and back to their Genghis Khan grotto - you know, their new-fangled Santa's Workshop replacement? Their kowtowing to the PC-gone-mad brigade? They figured a monument to slavery and genocide might substitute for luvvery wholeshome childrens' toys. Yeah I know, last days of Rome, etc. Buy anyhoo. Follow my instructions properly, if you please, now return there and wank off their Genghis Khan stunt double a hundred thousand times and bring back a hundred grand cream of Tatars and breed me a mighty Mongol army. Er. Um. Babycakes."
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/11/on-kowtowing-to-the-pc-gone-mad-crowd-and-wanking-off-genghis-khan-100k-times-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
How to avoid embarrassing your mum by spreading 10^50 gay gents across the universe: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Oh my god, this is exactly the kind of chaotic energy which makes me love internet... 😂😂”
On charging oil barons through the nose as a human drill bit: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Hahahaha. Thank for this advice, Mikey. Keep those Terrible Advices coming. Happy writing. Enjoyed reading this column of yours. 🙂😁”
On scheming bitches, Antarctic science side quests, extra-gorgeous ponies, and the Zodiac Killer: today's TERRIBLE advice
“I enjoyed this! The mix of random observations, humour and curiosity made it a lot of fun to read.”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?