On kidney-friendly Groucho-glasses: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Lacey asks
Have to go see a kidney specialist tomorrow to find out what’s wrong with them…..how should I prepare?
I’ve already drank 3 monster energy drinks and ate a ton of bad/unhealthy things.
****nothin about fucking because that’s been over played****
My answer
Is there such a thing as Groucho glasses for internal organs? See how many other of your internal organs you can plausibly dress up and disguise as kidneys, if for no other reason than to see the look on the kidney specialist's face when they discover you apparently have eleven of them.
Failing that, locate nine other actual genuine kidneys and make them all operate at once. Get those fuckers cranking around your torso like a WW2 aircraft radial piston engine. Get 'em so efficient at extracting crap from your blood that your blood becomes ultra-pure and ultra-potent and turns into a cross between $5k-bottle-wine and Asterix's magic potion.
That said, if you make your new kidneys do too magnificent a job, your new-fangled super-blood might begin attracting the wrong social class of vampire. We can all tolerate bogan vampires, they're at least a good laugh, but old-school Christopher-Lee-esque vampires are the most overrated dullards you'll ever meet. Ever tried rap-battling one? Most don't even have the wit to zing you back. Occasional exceptions though. Cher is decent.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/12/on-kidney-friendly-groucho-glasses-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
Rolls Royce IUDs, orgy lube droughts, Super-DUPER-Dracula, and nom-nom-ing Las Vegas: today's TERRIBLE advice
“As a perimenopausal woman, I must protest the fact that I laughed so hard at this -- tut-tut like a cranky lesbian great-aunt scorning an orgy’s lube drought -- that I almost peed myself.”
On scheming bitches, Antarctic science side quests, extra-gorgeous ponies, and the Zodiac Killer: today's TERRIBLE advice
“These always crack me up, I love it!!”
FABIO: betas and twinks and supple squishy femme-b0is: the microplastics to my asbestos, yet here’s why we MUST nourish ALL raunch appetites:
“The comparison of 'supple squishy femme-b0is' being the microplastics to Fabio’s asbestos is top-tier. You’ve captured that exact point where the 'overlords' just swapped one extreme for another and called it progress. I respect the call for a world where there’s 'oodles of room' for all appetites ... I’m locking into your frequency because it’s rare to find this much grit and humor in the same room.”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?