On tormenting 88 toddlers and delighting 176 parents by lashing the former into a Bohemian Rhapsody tantrum-piano: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Sara asks
My 1 year old has started tantrums. All the gentle parenting tantrum advice I've seen has been for slightly older toddlers. What do?
(No spanking or other aboose, that's too easy. Make me laugh please 😩)
My answer
Kidnap another 87 toddlers, each chosen especially for their predilections to tantrum-ise at a certain specific frequency. Then strap down your tot and its 87 compatriots into a vast and sadistic mechanical piano-contraption, electronically slaved to a regular electrical keyboard. Both are linked such that should you play, for instance, a high C, your sadist-mega-piano will, er, stimulate its corresponding kidnapped toddler into crooning out a passably solid high-C-average tantrum in turn.
Now belt out Bohemian Rhapsody or something. If you're going to torture 88 toddlers at a time, you might as well go the whole hog and entertain all 176 of their parents too, right?
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/1/on-tormenting-88-toddlers-and-delighting-176-parents-by-lashing-the-former-into-a-bohemian-rhapsody-tantrum-piano-todays-terrible-advice
Hungry for more?
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
On scheming bitches, Antarctic science side quests, extra-gorgeous ponies, and the Zodiac Killer: today's TERRIBLE advice
“I enjoyed this! The mix of random observations, humour and curiosity made it a lot of fun to read.”
On rejuvenating shite grub into exquisite ambrosia by guzzling pints of 800C+ molten salt: today's TERRIBLE advice
“I have absolutely no idea where your brain comes up with this stuff, but it gave me a laugh. Lol!”
On the sublime wisdom in showing every nosy goddamn therapist who's boss: today's TERRIBLE advice
““I beg of you, don’t unleash Jordan Peterson on us again!” Nearly spit out the coffee with that one! Can always come here for a good belly laugh 🩵”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?