How to make one breast lactate bleach and the other breast lactate whiskey: today's TERRIBLE advice
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Taylor asks
My daughter is 2.5 and I could not possibly be more done with breastfeeding. How do I remove her from the tiddy?
ETA: I'm asking for bad advice, not bad judgment lmfaooo
My answer
Wasn't there that urban legend of a dude who adored carrots, and ate so many he literally turned orange? Do the same with, say, bleach, and you'll find your daughter's breast milk preferences change bloody fast. Or use whiskey. Might be more fun for you. Isn't there another urban legend that toddlers are called toddlers because back in medieval times, frazzled parents gave their infants booze just to calm them down and let the family get some sleep? Maybe you could arrange one breast to lactate bleach, and the other whiskey. Or half-and-half from each nipple, like snazzy toothpaste. Worked a treat with me.
I realise that drinking enough of either to then lactate them would probably kill you, but what a way to go, eh? Besides, I'm getting the impression that thanks to your daughter and her hilarious 2.5yo daughtering, death may well be a sweet release. Enjoy your bleached whiskey!
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/11/how-to-make-one-breast-lactate-bleach-and-the-other-breast-lactate-whiskey-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?