On cladding Southern Baptist nutjob relatives in Ghostbuster suits nightly: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Katey asks
Trying to think of a Halloween costume for my son. He's fifteen months old. Main issue is that my mother-in-law thinks so many things are evil because she's a very devout southern Baptist, and I don't feel like dealing with her being a bitch any more than she normally is. So what would be a good, Christian-friendly costume for a baby/toddler for this rather pagan holiday?
No OOC. I need lols because I love Halloween and she's making me hate it.
My answer
Is your mother-in-law a heavy sleeper? I bet we could design for her some kind of stealthy three-piece Satan suit. Perhaps Tim Curry's Lord Of Darkness look. Holy SHIT that's a vibe.
Apply it to her whilst she slumbers, so that when she wakes, she'll have zero clue how or why she wears it. Sprinkle a few dozen empty gin bottles around her.
(And incidentally, if you do indeed craft a means of applying professional-level makeup/costume effects to someone in their sleep, then I suspect several gazillion hyper-expert makeup artists would pay top dollar to Learn Your Ways. Today's most sophisticated and complex movie costumes take 6+ hours to apply, then an hour-plus to remove. Morning and night. Every dang day. Half the actor's waking hours gobbled. It's a heinous moviemaking bottleneck. But make the costume-crafting sleep-friendly? The actor's slumber remains undisturbed? Holy shit, dude. You'll be every moviemaker's best mate.)
Anyhoo. Each morning, claim complete ignorance of Mummy-In-Law's Lord Of Darkness transformation. Ask her what the hell she's playing at, wearing that damn nonsense. Ask her what on earth would possess a good wholesome God-fearing Christian lady like her to cosplay as Satan. Has she gone completely mad? She's not going senile, is she? Ask her if she's met a certain fellow called Jesus. Ever heard of him? Jesus? No, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Him. Looks like she could do with his touch.
Tell her also that her years of Baptist Views had truly nourished and enlightened your childhood and youth. You took her seriously. You looked up to her. Held her in high esteem. And now this. Her prior pulpit-thunder wasn't 100% bullshit, was it? No? Then remove that ridiculous costume, goddamnit, and try to look presentable.
Next night, do it all over again. Repeat every night, five thousand times in a row, and she may believe that she's not merely simply possessed by Satan, but that she is Satan.
Finally, each morning, also dress up your infant son as a Ghostbuster, and Command the diminutive dude to Ghostbust her.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/11/on-cladding-southern-baptist-nutjob-relatives-in-ghostbuster-suits-nightly-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
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On the surprising advantages of infecting ten thousand douchebag dogs with kissy Covid: today's TERRIBLE advice
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Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?
I will ask you for some terrible advice. I am thinking of becoming a life coach/personal trainer, what terrible advice are you going to give me?