On shooting off your balls a thousand times for science: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Eli asks
What should I think that happened?
ETA - people, I know about IVF. I am looking for bad, funny explanations.
My answer
There was an American Civil War urban legend about a spectacularly lucky/unlucky musket ball (depending on your attitude). The ball allegedly got fired normally during the course of a battle. It impacted into some poor schmuck's balls (and incidentally, "schmuck" is both Yiddish for "foreskin" and German for "jewellery", seriously, not kidding, google it), ricocheted at a high angle off something rock-hard (here's hoping it's his cock), soared over the battlefield in a huge ballistic arc and into a crowd of spectators, and hit a second poor femme-schmuck in not her schmuck but her womb.
So far, so good, right? Well. The first impact had, according to the legend, slurped enough sperm off Schmuck One's balls and into Schmuck Two's womb that it got Schmuck Two pregnant.
I have an extremely dim childhood memory of the Mythbusters crew discussing testing this. The memory insists that although Kari Byron was game, and even brought along half a dozen of her favourite muskets and a keg of black powder, at the last second her male colleagues chickened out of getting their balls shot off and then reattached a thousand times over to ensure proper statistical rigour. Who says science is dull, eh?
Maybe that happened here?
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/11/on-shooting-off-your-balls-a-thousand-times-for-science-todays-terrible-advice
Hungry for more?
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
On conscripting lesbian bitches and gay male dogs through Pray-The-Gay-Away camps for rich entitled floozies: today's TERRIBLE advice
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On Dark Triad gigantic assholes, Habsburg jaws, sweet sweet world domination, and devouring clients' noxious juices: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Haha cheers Mikey. Really funny, enjoyable read 🤣 at the start I was like wth 😂😂 but nicely tied together. Cheers mate!”
Everything that's ever happened or ever will happen in the entire goddamn universe: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Mikey, this is a brilliant reminder that life isn't meant to be smoothed over. We've become addicted to the convenience of 'good' advice, but it's the terrible, messy, and absurd stuff that actually makes for a story worth telling.”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?