Strength and Wisdom through Rage Cake: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Ashley asks
I am a store manager and employee appreciation day is coming up I'm ordering my crew a cake what should I have them write on it?
My answer
I know just the thing:
"Each Of You Is A Net Negative. I Could Literally Run This Entire Store Better Single-Handedly. I Only Keep You Bastards Around Because Your Ineptitude Engorges Me With Huge Throbbing Plumes Of Self-Righteous Anger And The Strength And Wisdom Of Fifty Ashleys. Actually I Wouldn't Mind Bumping That Up To Sixty Ashleys, So Could You Enrage Me Further By Smooshing This Cake In My Face?"
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/3/strength-and-wisdom-through-rage-cake-todays-terrible-advice
Hungry for more?
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
On charging oil barons through the nose as a human drill bit: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Hahahaha. Thank for this advice, Mikey. Keep those Terrible Advices coming. Happy writing. Enjoyed reading this column of yours. 🙂😁”
AT LAST an etiquette guide on pistol duels against paleoconservative Gentleman-penises: today's TERRIBLE advice
“This was equal parts hilarious and delightful. The imagery here was absolute prime status. Particularly the penis-pogo action 😂 I actually laughed out loud, and I thank you for that 🩵”
Cross-breeding Mike Tyson with Ron Jeremy, monetising concussions, and flaying Ayn Rand fans: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Wow that's some of the most hilarious and funniest, wildest shit I ever read! Thank you! That's absolutely fucking brilliant! Like the Mike Tyson/Ron Jeremy mash up!? Genius!”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?
Ha! Got a good chuckle from this one, lol. 🤣🎂💯
I want the cakeeeee 🤭