The flirtiest flirting in the history of humanity: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
RW asks
I posted about before but the situation is getting worse.
Im a 41yo married mom of two and there’s a guy probably young enough to be my son who works at Trader Joe’s and obviously has a crush on me, he engages me in a real conversation every time I go there and flirts HARD. Well, I’m starting to find him really attractive, not sure why because his personality reminds me of Ed from Good Burger.
To make a long story short, my basement is starting to flood now whenever I run into this guy.
How do I avoid him? Quitting TJ’s is not an option because I need snacks.
My answer
Egg him on. Encourage him to flirt so galactically hard that no-one has ever flirted so hard in the history of humanity. If all goes well, your basement flood will become a tsunami and drown him, problem solved.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/1/the-flirtiest-flirting-in-the-history-of-humanity-todays-terrible-advice
Hungry for more?
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
On wankster hipster biohackers, smuggling engagement rings in coworker tumours, dreadful sorceressry, and pissing off all surgeons: today's TERRIBLE advice
“haha love the dark humour.”
On subsuming the wills, skills and thrills of seven concentric humans for Scandal and Smut: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Love the terrible advice bits, they are so fun to read 🤣”
Mt. Doom vs Chernobyl, billions of twitchy-schnozzed squirrels, and ceramic/asbestos rigor mortis: today’s TERRIBLE advice
“There is a radical sovereignty in embracing this kind of creative chaos. While the rest of the world is looking for sanitized, "perfect" advice, you are documenting the anatomy of a "fabulous" sort of madness.”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?