On the surprising advantages of infecting ten thousand douchebag dogs with kissy Covid: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Ian asks
My dog is at the vet right now and might not be coming out. I'm at a brewery down the road on my second beer but it's not helping. What do to get rid of big sad?
ETA: I'm waiting on a call from the vet. They're examining her in a part of the clinic where the public isn't allowed. If the time comes, I'll be there by her side in two minutes.
My answer
Why not take some inspiration from the Middle Ages? In your honour and beneficence, you shall share your anguish with the vet staff.
Besiege the vet's premises; yoink the vet's client list; rank these clients in order of who seems like they'd be the most uppity and/or insolent if you tailgated them at 2am on Saturday after their local sports team suffered a particularly humiliating defeat; filter the client list's most douchebaggy ten thousand; kidnap and gently slaughter their dogs; infect the canine corpses with Covid or influenza or cholera or whatever pathogen seems like it'd be the best kisser; then construct a gigantic trebuchet and fling the infected corpses in vast avalanches over the vet's castle walls and inside. You know. Like that French castle in Monty Python and the Holy Grail:
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/11/on-the-surprising-advantages-of-infecting-ten-thousand-douchebag-dogs-with-kissy-covid-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
On Dark Triad gigantic assholes, Habsburg jaws, sweet sweet world domination, and devouring clients' noxious juices: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Came for life coaching advice, somehow ended up with European royal genetics and the downfall of an empire 😂 10/10 journey.”
How to avoid embarrassing your mum by spreading 10^50 gay gents across the universe: today's TERRIBLE advice
“I feel wiser now haha you’re hilarious 😂😂”
FABIO: betas and twinks and supple squishy femme-b0is: the microplastics to my asbestos, yet here’s why we MUST nourish ALL raunch appetites:
“The comparison of 'supple squishy femme-b0is' being the microplastics to Fabio’s asbestos is top-tier. You’ve captured that exact point where the 'overlords' just swapped one extreme for another and called it progress. I respect the call for a world where there’s 'oodles of room' for all appetites ... I’m locking into your frequency because it’s rare to find this much grit and humor in the same room.”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?
This was such a unique idea ahahahha I never read something like this
Coooool