Concerning Iron Woman Anti-Bra suits: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Maeve asks
my b00bs won’t fit in my bras anymore, but i’m certain that there’s no way i’ve gone up a cup size. how do i get honkers to stay in bra???
hard mode: no cutting off or damaging the ta tas
My answer
Easy bro. Just move to Jupiter. Or the centre of the Sun. Or any location sporting millions and billions of atmospheres of pressure.
They say liquids are incompressible, right? Nah, that's an oversimplification: under reasonable, everyday conditions you'll never get water or other liquids to compress, but find a ginormous-enough planet or star and it'll compress down wonderfully. Move there.
Boobs being the same three-quarters water as any other bit of our anatomy, they'll readily shrink, as will the rest of you. These same local conditions will, however, annihilate and pulverise you in nanoseconds, so you'd also need to move to the Marvel universe or something, and construct an Iron Man suit out of pure adamantium, with just a little flex in the bust-region.
Then simply teleport into the Sun's core rocking your ultra-rad Iron Woman Anti-Bra Suit, and let gravity do the rest. Problem solved.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/3/concerning-iron-woman-anti-bra-suits-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
On conscripting lesbian bitches and gay male dogs through Pray-The-Gay-Away camps for rich entitled floozies: today's TERRIBLE advice
“This is hilarious! I used to think all cats were female when I was a little kid and all dogs were male. haha”
Ten thousand tremulous thunder-thighs, the ideal relationship fuel: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Vivid, visceral, and just the right amount of chaotic. You always manage to paint these incredibly bold pictures with your words. It’s hard not to feel the 'tremulous' energy you’re describing here.”
On the sublime wisdom in showing every nosy goddamn therapist who's boss: today's TERRIBLE advice
““I beg of you, don’t unleash Jordan Peterson on us again!” Nearly spit out the coffee with that one! Can always come here for a good belly laugh 🩵”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?
Brilliant take on the whole liquid compressability thing. The escalation from everyday problem to extremephysics solution is perfect comedy structuring, and I appreciate how the answer stays internally consistent with its own ridiculous logic. Reminds me of old XKCD what-if scenarios where the physics is technically accurate but applied to increasingly absurd situations.