I am one in Him, and He is one in Me, wink wink: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Joshua asks
How can I masturbate without god watching me or judging me?
My answer
And what's wrong with that, may I ask? Maybe God is feeling lonely and irritable and just wants to be loved? Maybe he's just enjoying witnessing someone else loving themselves? Who wouldn't? Hell, when I get into a strop I feel a tad judgey myself.
Why not wank each other off, then? Though which God are we talking about here? Trinity-wise? Jesus, or one of the other two blokes? Harsh experience has taught me that although Jesus may make a big song and dance about his laying-on-of-hands, when push comes to shove, his stigmata transform an otherwise exquisite handjob into an experience slightly more holey.
Maybe that's why certain God-botherers apply autostigmata? They're trying to level the mutual-trinitarian-wank-off playing field. So come on now. There's never been any place for slut-shaming in religious conservatism.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/5/i-am-one-in-him-and-he-is-one-in-me-wink-wink-todays-terrible-advice
Hungry for more?
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
On conscripting lesbian bitches and gay male dogs through Pray-The-Gay-Away camps for rich entitled floozies: today's TERRIBLE advice
“You're fucking hilarious.”
Debauchery, drugs, jazz, communes, beatniks, lentils, oral sex, midnight frolics, witchcraft, sit-ins, marches, oral sex, foxtrots, covens, sandals, oral sex, and oral sex: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Dude i just read the title and im crying Sexy crying Then came the article and let us not mention what happened there”
On scheming bitches, Antarctic science side quests, extra-gorgeous ponies, and the Zodiac Killer: today's TERRIBLE advice
“This was hilarious in the most wonderfully chaotic way. I was laughing the entire time because every paragraph somehow became more absurd than the last, yet it still managed to circle back to the original question. The leap from relationship drama to Antarctic research grants, doomed South Pole weddings, and extra-gorgeous ponies was completely unhinged in the best possible way. Pure creative chaos, and somehow it works perfectly.”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?
🫢🤭🫣 lol. Honestly, I'm not even gonna judge this terrible advice. I think the question was terrible as well. A terrible question, deserves a terrible advice. 😄