On cultivating cunnilingual moustaches during job interviews: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Jessica asks
Hubby has a very important phone interview today. What should I do while he's on the phone?
Eta.. now we have a nasty thunderstorm too so do what you do 🤣🤣
My answer
I was about to suggest you go down on him for the entirety of the interview, but that seems like cliche'd, rookie advice, so why not insist he instead go down on you?
Insist on no uncertain terms that he conduct this long-distance interview whilst simultaneously conferring unto you a mighty fine tongue-lashing. Both at once. If he truly loved you he'd balance both. Right? Is this audio-only or a video call? Perhaps you could angle your pelvis around his jaw and style your pubes such that your hubby appears to rock a particularly fine moustache. Wasn't that the original role of sporrans? Pubic wigs? (Those hairy frontal purse-doohickeys on kilts. I've rocked both: https://www.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=10158931384397252&set=a.10151452143332252. They're awesome.) Best of all, if the interviewer(s) also have moustaches, you could accuse them of also tonguing their spouse(s).
Edit: oops! That's "merkins"! Right? Isn't it? I'm not 100% sure either way. Whatever the case, you can't deny there's a similarity.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/5/on-cultivating-cunnilingual-moustaches-during-job-interviews-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
You'll have the spangliest vulva in Christendom: today's TERRIBLE advice
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On scheming bitches, Antarctic science side quests, extra-gorgeous ponies, and the Zodiac Killer: today's TERRIBLE advice
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On scheming bitches, Antarctic science side quests, extra-gorgeous ponies, and the Zodiac Killer: today's TERRIBLE advice
“This was hilarious in the most wonderfully chaotic way. I was laughing the entire time because every paragraph somehow became more absurd than the last, yet it still managed to circle back to the original question. The leap from relationship drama to Antarctic research grants, doomed South Pole weddings, and extra-gorgeous ponies was completely unhinged in the best possible way. Pure creative chaos, and somehow it works perfectly.”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?