ONLY 128 oiled-up and luscious slaves bear moi aloft, y'know, nothing showy: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group nourishes GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Tangle asks
My big dog hurt his paws being silly. He now refuses to walk anywhere and insists on being carried everywhere and insists I place him on my bed. What do?
No OOC; He’s under vet advice and care.
My answer
What’s the problem there? A few months back I tweaked my pinky. And I insisted that until it healed, my corporate conglomerate’s employees henceforth carry me everywhere on a litter.
But, y’know, nothing showy, only a little litter: each of the 128 litter-bearers shall be stripped to the waist and oiled up and flexing and cavorting like they’re in a Mrs. Universe final. Several hundred temps shall stride ahead, scattering scented rose petals and poetry across my path. Town criers and teams of choir boys and/or girls follow reverently in my wake, modestly singing my praises to the goddamn heavens. And forming a stalwart and supple rearguard, twin duelling packs of seasoned courtesans and paramours and sex-workers shall proclaim with ecstatic squees and raptures that I wasn’t the abysmal lover the townsfolk had pictured at all, and surprisingly adequate in the sack.
It was friggin’ awesome. Dunno what the fuss is all about. Now I want to injure my other pinky and repeat. Hell, if anything, I’d have to ding your pooch for lack of ambition. And he knows that! Look at that photo! You can see the self-admonishment in his eyes. Tell him to buy out a few dozen more nearby companies and make their employees haul him everywhere in a colossal golden Snoopy-themed chariot and only then get back to me. Us.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/5/only-128-oiled-up-and-luscious-slaves-bear-moi-aloft-yknow-nothing-showy-todays-terrible-advice
YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you.
Further Reading: The SEXYVERSE NOVELS
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth's free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain's Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let's assassinate France's Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What's the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it's wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it's stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game's up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth's free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Crave more bullshit laughs? Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED. And it’ll make me incredibly happy. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?
I love the idea of giving terrible advice. How is the cutie now?