On the sublime wisdom of getting off my damn lawn ya damn punks: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Rhett asks
So, I've had it. My lawn is growing WAY too fast. It grows in a day.
What some things to do that'll slow it down while also keeping the neighbors "happy"?
My answer
Carefully remove your lawn's turf, excavate a cavity below your lawn's real estate to the depth of a metre, construct one of those hydraulic remote-control-lowerable steel platforms in its place, the kind of thing you'd use to raise or lower Thunderbird 1, then replace the lawn turf on top of it.
Now, as the days and months go by, slowly lower your hydraulically-adjustable lawn at the exact same rate that it grows, so that its topmost grass tips remain at exactly the same height, and any growth remains concealed. You may have to trim the tips like a particularly superb afro, though.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/5/on-the-sublime-wisdom-of-getting-off-my-damn-lawn-ya-damn-punks-todays-terrible-advice
Hungry for more?
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
The earthy wisdom of elongating your womb into adjacent postcodes: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Substack needs more of this glorious creative chaos. The 'separate postcode' theory is a masterpiece of terrible wisdom. Keeping this in mind for the next time life gets too loud”
On scheming bitches, Antarctic science side quests, extra-gorgeous ponies, and the Zodiac Killer: today's TERRIBLE advice
“The article is essentially literary jazz played by a man who appears to have consumed three espressos and an encyclopedia of Antarctic history. 💯🔥 That last part might actually be the highest compliment I can give it. The piece feels like a mind having fun with itself. Appreciate you, Mikey!🫡”
The earthy wisdom of elongating your womb into adjacent postcodes: today's TERRIBLE advice
“At some point the advice stops being advice…and just becomes a ride. And honestly, that’s the fun of it. You show up for help....and leave with absolutely none… but somehow still satisfied. Thanks for getting me to giggle! 😂😂😂😂”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?