The trembly tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise: today's TERRIBLE advice

FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:

Maeve asks

i was wrong. i’ve gone up two cup sizes. what do now 😭

Original question

My answer

Could you not walk everywhere upside down, doing handstands?

Then your boobs would begin flopping back towards your chin. I have no idea how many years of reverse upward sagging it'd take to reverse and cancel-out your X years of standard floorward sagging enjoyed by conventional breasts, but a decent duration, surely? Enough to buy you enough time to invent some kind of zero-gravity device and just let them flop and wobble around freely forever.

All you'd need then is some kind of zero-G boobs micro-tugboat hover fleet, nudging your boobs to tremble stationary vaguely near your chest, so's they'd vaguely resemble that scene in Revenge Of The Sith where ol' Palpatine is filling Anakin's young noggin with tall tales of Darth Plagueis the Wise, and there's that vast wobbly aquatic opera kicking off in the background.

Hell, maybe that's was actually happening? The magnificent wobbly breast of a resplendent jellyfish, perhaps? Knowing George Lucas (and let’s not forget this is the dude who informed a then-19-year-old Carrie Fisher that her Princess costume lacked a bra because space has zero gravity), there’s nothing horny-related I wouldn’t put past him.

Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/5/the-trembly-tragedy-of-darth-plagueis-the-wise-todays-terrible-advice

---

Hungry for more?

---

Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts

Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:

NZ shirt dimensions: twig arms and parachute torsos and hypersonic hashtag-boss-bitches

“Your writing always makes me smile because your work never feels like “reading a post”. It's more like sitting near a high energy, over-caffeinated guy at a bar telling a story while the bar slowly loses it laughing 😂”

Spinelli

AT LAST an etiquette guide on pistol duels against paleoconservative Gentleman-penises: today's TERRIBLE advice

“This was equal parts hilarious and delightful. The imagery here was absolute prime status. Particularly the penis-pogo action 😂 I actually laughed out loud, and I thank you for that 🩵”

Stephanie Macisco

On your cherished pet bunnies judging you a stinkin' softcock, and on thwarting their hideous psychological Thunderdomes: today's TERRIBLE advice

“The parenthetical where you draw a firm ethical line at torturing live bystander rabbits, while merrily crucifying the dead ones for maximum psychological effect, is the best bit of restraint I've read this week. Commitment to the bit, respected. Subscribed.”

John Madrid

---

Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS

*ahem*

IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:

The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse

Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar

Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?

Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb

Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.

Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy

Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!

Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes

The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.

Part Five: [soon, baby]

Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.

---

Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN

Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?