Today's TERRIBLE advice: you telling me if you see a planet-sized spoon you DON'T colonise it?
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group nourishes GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Cindy asks
The other day was my cousin’s birthday. This is what her mom literally gave her for her birthday along with a card. Nothing else.
What should she buy her mom on her mom’s birthday?
Editing to add: her mom put no thought or anything into it. She barely recognized her birthday. They have a strained relationship.
Edited to add: her mother was very nasty to her and still is. When her mother came over for her birthday, all her mother did was talk about family problems. She never asked how she was or anything.
Her mother found the spoon and fork at Goodwill! She also tried giving her a voodoo doll!! I have included a pic of the spoon and fork next to a pizza box that holds a 16” pizza for scale reference.
My answer
How big are they? You’d provided zero sense of scale. Those utensils could be the size of planets for all we know. Quadrillions of dollars of valuable raw materials. And all you do is bitch. Where’s your sense of adventure? Let’s colonise them.
Edit: aw.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/5/planet-sized...
Further Reading: The SEXYVERSE NOVELS
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth's free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain's Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let's assassinate France's Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What's the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it's wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it's stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game's up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth's free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Crave more bullshit laughs? Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED. And it’ll make me incredibly happy. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?