On gaggles of hussies, showers of floozies, bullshit pro-breasts praise, and vast adult babies: today's TERRIBLE advice
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Brooklyn asks
I was just publicly shamed for breastfeeding at an outdoor fall festival whilst entirely covered. What do?! 🤣
My answer
Girl! You've struck gold! This is the opportunity of a lifetime! Here's what you do:
First: while these complete Bastards are partying elsewhere, sneak into their own festival tent, then replace every single clothing item of theirs with identical instant tearaway stripper clothes.
Second, wait a day or two for the Bastards to rotate their clothing choices with your faux replacements.
Third, you dress yourself as a vast and hulking adult baby, nappy and pacifier and all, then stalk these Bastards until they're sitting down at a park bench somewhere.
Now bring five friends. Get Friend #1 to distract them, so that you and Friend #2 are able to sneak up on them from behind, unawares. Friend #2 shall instantly wrench off all their tearaway stripper garb, and you shall pounce on every single one of the Bastards' breasts like you're a magnificent hulking tigress, and they're all pairs of haunches of yummy yummy lamb.
Friend #3 is nearby, recording the entire event on video. Friend #4 shall charge up to you all, apparently furious. #4 shall denounce your Bastard-victims as a gaggle of hussies, and a shower of floozies, and how dare they all publicly breastfeed their overgrown and oafish adult children (you), and good GOD their hairdos are an absolute friggin' mess, and they should be ashamed of themselves and how DARE they.
Finally, Friend #5 shall storm up to and confront #4, and loudly denounce #4 as a throwback cavewoman, and screech to high heaven that these Bastards are in fact the essence and embodiment of refined, graceful femininity. All recorded by #3.
Now, simply approach every motherhood and breastfeeding publication in the universe, armed with #3's video, (but don't forget to remove your vast hulking adult-baby costume first (and replace it with grown-up threads)). Portray your anti-breasts Bastards to every single organisation as a shining and glorious beacon of maternal aspiration and pro-breasts defiance.
Play your cards right and your anti-breasts Bastards will be accosted by adoring and sycophantic packs of mums for decades thereafter, wilting under their unearned and bullshit praise as pro-breasts crusaders. That'll teach 'em. Problem solved, sistah.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/11/on-gaggles-of-hussies-showers-of-floozies-bullshit-pro-breasts-praise-and-vast-adult-babies-todays-terrible-advice
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Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
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“Ha! Got a good chuckle from this one, lol. 🤣🎂💯”
On gaggles of hussies, showers of floozies, bullshit pro-breasts praise, and vast adult babies: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Sometimes laughter can make a point that outrage cannot. The satire isn't really about revenge....it's about showing how ridiculous it is that mothers are still criticized for feeding their children. Always love reading your work!”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?
As always you have me giggling🤣🤣🤣.....but what stood out to me is how humor can sometimes expose social absurdities more effectively than serious arguments. By taking public breastfeeding criticism to such an extreme conclusion, the piece highlights how irrational the original judgment was in the first place. The satire isn't really about revenge....it's about showing how ridiculous it is that mothers are still criticized for feeding their children. Sometimes laughter can make a point that outrage cannot. Always love reading your work!