Unsolicited dick pic ANTIDOTE: counter-vomit donkeys every seven milliseconds forever: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Chelsea asks
What do
My answer
Ass? Ha. Ask and ye shall receive, baby. Write a web script that hooks into Messenger’s API and bombard the fellow with a randomly chosen Google Images search image of a donkey, i.e. the Original Ass, every seven milliseconds, forever. Drown this presumptuous fucker in sweet sweet juicy poontang Ass until he gives in.
For bonus points, intersperse the ass-bombardment with the occasional penis pic. For bonus-ier-bonus points, see if you can get hold of an image of this gent’s own penis. Go on. See if he recognises it. If he hassles random ladies for ass pics, then chances are he’s chucked his dick pics around like anti-radar chaff from an F-35 being shot at by a surface-to-air missile. Do F-35s have chaff? All that reflective tinsel shit. Maybe I’m thinking of ginormous cargo planes. But yeah. Do that. With donkey photos.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/11/unsolicited-dick-pic-antidote-counter-vomit-donkeys-every-seven-milliseconds-forever-todays-terrible-advice
Hungry for more?
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
Rolls Royce IUDs, orgy lube droughts, Super-DUPER-Dracula, and nom-nom-ing Las Vegas: today's TERRIBLE advice
“As a perimenopausal woman, I must protest the fact that I laughed so hard at this -- tut-tut like a cranky lesbian great-aunt scorning an orgy’s lube drought -- that I almost peed myself.”
On conscripting lesbian bitches and gay male dogs through Pray-The-Gay-Away camps for rich entitled floozies: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Your writing has this wonderfully chaotic energy that somehow stays coherent despite how wildly it escalates. 😂 I came for the absurd premise, stayed for the commitment to the bit. Satire like this is harder to write than people think, and you nailed the pacing.”
How to avoid embarrassing your mum by spreading 10^50 gay gents across the universe: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Oh my god, this is exactly the kind of chaotic energy which makes me love internet... 😂😂”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?