What gun for home protection would be a really bad idea?
Here’s a rare non-TERRIBLE-advice post. Yes I sometimes write them, you friggin’ numpty:
Let’s see the discerning homeowner conceal one of these bad boys in their undies.
Quora's Gun Club asks
What gun for home protection would be a really bad idea?
My answer
Gun? Some guns for home protection are really really bad ideas yet still just a teensy bit plausible … and some guns are just friggin’ stupid.
I’d wager the single most ridiculous and absurd gun in existence for domestic defence would be one of these babies:
This is the Schwerer Gustav railway gun.
It fires these:
The gun can’t traverse on its own. To aim, its operators must construct two parallel and curved railroads, and vroom the gun back and forth, like so:
Oh sure, I’ve encountered more ridiculous home defence notions than a homeowner discovering his and/or her abode is being violated, whisking into existence some kind of Wallace-and-Gromit train track setup in the living room, nipping across the street to their local Krupp super-heavy artillery manufactory corner shop, returning with this month’s Schwerer Gustav “Dora” edition concealed in their bra, placing it, mounting it, arming it, aiming it, then at last as this intruding ne’er-do-well marches from the hallway and enters the living room, you kapow the fellow in the throat …
… But a home-defence scheme like that has gotta be up there with: “become a fellatrix of such expert renown that you can induce forty orgasms an hour, indefinitely, and will quite literally turn your client inside-out, and the only home intruders who now dare enter your abode are those fatigued of their lives of crime and desire to perish in peace, and, so to speak, go out with a bang.”
Or, hell, why not both? Gotta keep life interesting somehow, right?
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/2/what-gun-for-home-protection-would-be-a-really-bad-idea
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IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
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Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.





