On appropriate occasions to bait and set monstrous vaginal rat traps: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Monique asks
So I am currently not on birth control (trying to get on the pill through Nurx) and recently started seeing my man. Both of us are clean and exclusive so no condoms are required, but I’m not on the pill yet…
What are some creative ways to prevent pregnancy until I can get the pill ordered?
Hard mode: no @nal and no family fücking lol.
Edit: it concerns me how many chicks think I’m serious with this post and being reckless. Spermicide is used and condoms are used during ovulation. This was for noob, y’all need to calm down.
My answer
Depending on how capacious and/or malicious you are, if I were in your shoes, I would attempt to fit an entire rat trap in your vagina. Er. My vagina. One's own vagina. You get what I mean. Yeah. One of those really ferocious fuckers that can decapitate eight rats at once. Equip your patoot to the friggin' teeth with some seriously ferocious and magnificent vaginal armament.
But don't set and bait it. Yet. He'll get the hint. He may have trouble maintaining an erection, mind you. Though remain on your guard, for he may start penisly fighting back and encasing his schlong in a full plate armour steel condom, the better to safely withstand and trounce your pussyesque defensive tactics. So you'll naturally need to up the ante and splash out on one of those hulking metal-shredder machines you get in scrap yards that can pulverise juggernauts, and mount it gleaming and resplendent atop your cervix. It'll be brilliant. You'll love it. Your fun cave will remain the most pregnancy-hostile region in Europe. Problem solved.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/11/on-appropriate-occasions-to-bait-and-set-monstrous-vaginal-rat-traps-todays-terrible-advice
Hungry for more?
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
On outshining the entire human race a hundredfold, pulverising the world's bra industry, lactating helium, 24/7/2 handstands, and frostbitey fashion perfection: today's TERRIBLE advice
“hahaha thanks for the laugh late at night. Poke the neighbors eye out”
On the surprising advantages of infecting ten thousand douchebag dogs with kissy Covid: today's TERRIBLE advice
“Nonsense? Ahahahaha naaaahhh it's peak writing”
On the sublime wisdom in showing every nosy goddamn therapist who's boss: today's TERRIBLE advice
““I beg of you, don’t unleash Jordan Peterson on us again!” Nearly spit out the coffee with that one! Can always come here for a good belly laugh 🩵”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?
I dm'ed you one some time ago, only see now you prefer your verbal penetration comment section wise so here goes.
I want to want to stop blowing, but i dont really want to. How can i help myself wanting to want stopping?