Why it's surprisingly difficult to build a really REALLY shit HTML button
Here’s a rare non-TERRIBLE-advice post. Yes I sometimes write them, you friggin’ numpty:
Some schmuck asks
A new software developer spent four days to make a simple HTML button and CSS, should I fire him?
Md Abu Taher answers
Did he create a button like this? Just one line of code and a plain looking button?
If it’s not that, fire whoever made the decision to fire him. Web development is not that simple.
Maybe you asked, “It should look and work same in every browser including Internet Explorer 6, Chrome Mobile and Opera Mini”.
Revisions after revisions is a developer’s nightmare. Did you ask him to change things while he was making it?
Maybe you asked for too many revisions, and maybe you wanted it to be pixel perfect.
Maybe you overwhelmed the new developer by constantly pressuring him about the button.
Look at the following button (see original design by Slava Shestopalov here, no code unfortunately, yet),
My comment
Hah. I’m a web developer, rather than a web designer. I'd read through your question, and my mind charged off in totally different directions. I could rattle off tons more tasks that a mature web-dev shop might require.
Specialist jargon incoming:
Learn enough about your client JS SPA to know how to write the correct DOM event handler function connected to the button, then write that
Learn enough about your app’s web servers’ API endpoints, yes, endpoints plural, to write an AJAX function to connect to the right location
Maybe the server has some specialist auth, meaning you’ve got to fuss around with the HTTP headers or similar. More auth, more docs, more chasing up the auth-devs.
Now you’ve got to write automated tests. Are you using a specialist framework? Client or server? Mocha or RSpec?
You’ve built the button, its functions, its tests, pushed your Git branch to the VCS server, got feedback, completed your PR, merged your Git branch to … say, the ‘development’ branch. Now you let the QA people know it’s time for their manual testing to begin.
They’re done? Awesome. Deployment time. They’re not done? Aah. Paw through their feedback, incorporate it, let them know, repeat.
Anyone who isn’t a web developer will read all that and think “what the hell does that all mean?”
Anyone who is will probably be thinking “geez dude, you wrote all that before your first morning coffee, didn’t you, I can rattle off another half-dozen steps you missed.” Guilty as charged!
Though I tell you what, there are more than a few items you’ll get on the lists of both developers and designers. Revision after revision. Argh. Horrible. That’s what brought down the Nazis. The panzer manufacturers were banging out thousands of brand new Panzer V Panther tanks, the Third Reich’s answer to the T-34 … but Nazi High Command kept approaching the manufacturer with tweak after tweak, mod after mod, and the Panther devolved from the Nazis’ latest greatest wunderwaffe to an unmaintainable kludge. This is why you batch revisions.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2021/11/why-its-surprisingly-difficult-to-build-a-really-really-shit-html-button
Hungry for more?
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
On scheming bitches, Antarctic science side quests, extra-gorgeous ponies, and the Zodiac Killer: today's TERRIBLE advice
“What really impressed me is the hidden discipline underneath the silliness. People see chaos. I see structure. Every callback reinforces the central absurdity. Every tangent eventually loops back to the original premise. Every joke increases the pressure on the same narrative balloon.”
Be more racist to your sausages: today's TERRIBLE advice
“🤣 oh I can't help but post an emoji on Substack for this one! Love it!”
A goddess so magnificent melts before MOI? I'm phenomenal! Plus further ego-stroking manipulative bullshit: today's TERRIBLE advice
“"a goddess so magnificent melts before moi?" may be one of the funniest descriptions of male ego I've read in a while.”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Now that’s a look into your mind!