You'll have the spangliest vulva in Christendom: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Chayse asks
I’m pregnant, and I am massively uncomfortable with people touching my belly. What’s the best way to keep people from touching my protruding uterus?
My answer
First, locate the nearest factory offering industrial chromium electroplating services. Then saunter in the front door, locate their vat full of molten, searing-hot chromium, and swandive right in.
Second, spend all day every day with at least one chromium-ified finger thrust deep into the nearest power outlet. Then, if anyone touches your belly, or your uterus, or any other part of you without your Kind Permission? i.e. without first giving you warning to remove your finger? They'll get zapped.
For best results, ram the biggest truck you can find, into the biggest nearby power station you can find, so that you've now forced merry entry to some super-duper-GIANT-voltage kit. Those braindead killjoys managing such places never would have granted you entry via conventional means. They fear you. So just cut out the middle man and smash your way in, you magnificent birthing bastard. Now get yourself charged up like a Ghostbusters proton pack. Problem solved.
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/3/youll-have-the-spangliest-vulva-in-christendom-todays-terrible-advice
Hungry for more?
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE posts
Enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
A goddess so magnificent melts before MOI? I'm phenomenal! Plus further ego-stroking manipulative bullshit: today's TERRIBLE advice
“"a goddess so magnificent melts before moi?" may be one of the funniest descriptions of male ego I've read in a while.”
On making the worst porno in the world: today's TERRIBLE advice
“This was not where I expected this to go at all! Wildly unhinged, but very committed to the bit. I kept thinking surely it can’t escalate further, and then it absolutely did. Thanks for sharing.”
On the intermediate anus of daring and vigorous ambition: today's TERRIBLE advice
“I was not prepared for where this was going. 😂 The "intermediate asshole of daring and vigorous ambition" absolutely sent me.”
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
*ahem*
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests:
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED.
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some boutique TERRIBLE advice of your own? Comment your question or dilemma, and I’ll magic up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?
🙌🙌🙌🙌
Wow this is different from what I usually read, but this is great!