How to dress more Professionally than the rest of your company combined: today's TERRIBLE advice
FB’s “TERRIBLE advice” group births GLORIOUS creative chaos. It’s funky. It’s fab. It ups life’s Good Bits. Do try some:
Maeve asks
i have a staff meeting today. what’s a very appropriate and professional outfit i can wear?
don’t say “nothing”. be creative
My answer
Why not become an expert illusionist/magician and steal everyone else's outfits without them noticing?
Flit and zip around your staff conference room, twinkle away everyone else's items of apparel with such astonishing and subtle skill that they all remain oblivious, then dash outside clasping your dozens of yoinked formal businesswear outfits.
Now, don the whole lot yourself. Turn yourself into a garbled sphere of textiled professionalism. Roll back in, then perform a colossal pantomime gasp and admonish everyone else for their unconscionable nudey unprofessionalism. They should totally take a leaf out of your book, because as they can all see, you've dressed more professionally than the rest of them combined.
Inform them with head held high that only the finest and most impeccably-dressed executives will ever make it to the C-Suite or above. How can't you friggin' cave-men and/or -women understand how In it's become this season to wear twenty-three bras and nineteen blazers? I've got the cup sizes stacked concentrically, look! Eh? Eh? Get a load of Mr. Maestro here!
Original: https://mikeyclarke.co.nz/blog/2022/2/how-to-dress-more-professionally-than-the-rest-of-your-company-combined-todays-terrible-advice
😘 THANK YOU 😘
Dude! Thanks so much for reading my unconscionable Bullshit. I hope you loved reading it as much as I loved writing it. Which is shitloads. You put yummy in my tummy, you know that?
Oh? Hungry for more?
Then today’s your lucky day, you magnificent bastard you:
Bullshit Hors D’oeuvres: TERRIBLE ADVICE
Do enjoy this snazzy sampling of hintCLICKABLEhint crowd-pleasers:
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“Substack needs more of this glorious creative chaos. The 'separate postcode' theory is a masterpiece of terrible wisdom. Keeping this in mind for the next time life gets too loud” 🔗 — romy
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“As a perimenopausal woman, I must protest the fact that I laughed so hard at this -- tut-tut like a cranky lesbian great-aunt scorning an orgy’s lube drought -- that I almost peed myself.” 🔗 — Jamie Lee
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“As always you have me giggling🤣🤣🤣.....but what stood out to me is how humor can sometimes expose social absurdities more effectively than serious arguments. ” 🔗 — Maria Grace
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“Hoooollllyyyy shit Mikey! The transition from "your husband might be keeping secrets" to "maybe she's running a wedding-vow-renewal side hustle at the South Pole" was so fucking wild that by the end I was fully invested in the horse conspiracy. 😂😂😂😂😂😂” 🔗 — Spinelli
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Enjoy oodles more kudos at:
😘 https://mikeyclarke.substack.com/p/reviews 😘
Bullshit Banquet: the SEXYVERSE NOVELS
I also write novels. If by some horrid miracle you’ve managed to read this far with your sanity still functional, then I reckon they’ll be right up your alley.
*ahem*
The Sex Commandos Thwart The Third Vaginal Apocalypse
IN A WORLD where wars are fought with romance and flirting and delicious erotic TENSION, the rivalries throbbing between history’s Great Powers have become a BUTTLOAD more bubbly, with fewer hideous massacres of musket and cannon, and OODLES more frisky cunnilingus contests.
Part One: The Knights Of Raw Phwoar
Might Earth’s free nations drown under terrifying tornadoes of French femme-foam? Like hell, shout Britain’s Royal Marines Sex Commandos. Let’s assassinate France’s Imperatrix Brigitte Bardot! Come on. What’s the worst that could happen?
Part Two: The Soviet Sluts Superb
Turns out out-flirting Imperatrix Bardot is like trying to wank off Mt. Blanc when it’s wanking you back. Plan B: skedaddle, regroup, out-flirt the entirety of France and get loads more practice, then it’s stealthy-sneaky Round Two or bust.
Part Three: The Cervical Supremacy
Turns out flirting with every ladybro Rambo in France produces Rivals and Frenemies and Jilted Waifus galore. Smashing fun, but utter Kryptonite for Imperial kill-plans. Like, ever tried noshing off a world leader whilst a billion fanb0is fondle your buttocks? Want to? Read on!
Part Four: The Praetorian Prostitutes
The game’s up! The irresistible force of fanb0i-fondlemania has headbutted the immovable object of a gazillion furious Paris cops. They too thirst for Sex Commando patoot. Crunch time. Either launch one final rocket-strike against Bardot and France, or Earth’s free nations forever perish.
Part Five: [soon, baby]
Click these and enjoy these and your appetites will be SATISFIED 😘
Bullshit Emeritus: YOUR TURN
Fancy some Terrible Advice of your own? Post your question in a comment, and I’ll conjure up something deliciously wicked to put a smile on your face, just for you.
I love how this takes such an ordinary workplace question and pushes it to its most ridiculous possible conclusion. You definitely have me giggling over here 😂😂😂 The visual of someone wearing everyone's business clothes at once was hysterical lol! It's a fun reminder that creativity often comes from asking, "What's the most impossible answer?" and then following it wherever it leads. Thank you so much for the laughs as always! 😂